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When Flirting Goes Too Far
Every week, the gentlemen over at Loveawake free dating site answer questions from women the only way they know how: in guy style. Then they handpick some of their favorites and send them over to us here at Lemondrop to answer (read: fix) them in girl style. We call it GuySpeak/GirlSpeak. This week -- how do you help a guy understand the difference between flirting and being creepy?Â
Read on or our guy vs. girl advice.
Wise-ass Cary McNeal is on deck to answer thisÂ query, and his advice is genderlessly sound. He reminds our creeped-out flirty girl that you can never really know how anyone will react to anything you say, but if something someone says makes you uncomfortable, you should do something. And all youÂ canÂ do is make your own feelings about his skeeviness known, and then it's up to him to change his behavior. Cary then suggests responding to his line-crossing comments with a nice, long, awkward silence. If that doesn't work, be blunt, and tell him you like him but his comments are offending you.Â
I think every woman has had the experience of flirting with someone, all yummy and stuffed with innuendo and sexyÂ pauses, until they break the mood entirely by referencing your labia, leaving you thinkingÂ I've got to get off this boat right now.Â
Hey guys? For women, it's all about the context when flirting. Rather than go to a strip club with your words, think of it as a very charming, very sultryÂ burlesque dance, where the object isn't to get naked and writhe for tips, but rather to be playful with your sexuality.Â
For me, once a guy crosses a line while flirting, we're shutting this thing down, so I'm interested in what it is about this guy that makes you want to keep flirting despite his lack of subtlety. Are you hoping to date him at some point, or is this just a fun distraction for you now? Either way, I definitely agree with Cary that your decision to address the strip club comments should be based solely on your own creeped-out feelings, and not your concern that you might "turn him off." He should be more concerned with turning you off.
My advice is to give him one or two awkward silences, but after that, to summon up every ounce of charm and sass you possess and say something like, "Well well well, seems like we were having fun with the plot developments until someone skipped to the climax. Slow down tiger." Use this as a time to both let him know you like him, but that you're going to be taking a bit more control of the flirtation from here on out. Telling him flat out that you're uncomfortable doesn't help him learn how to ease up on the lewdness, and if you really like this guy/want to keep flirting, he's going to need to learn.Â
We want to hear what you think! Have you had a guy cross the line from sexy flirting to slutty sex descriptions? What did you do about it?Â